not there yet
There’s a new challenge starting today at the Sisterhood. When I heard a new one was starting up I was very tempted. I’m definitely growing more comfortable in my own skin, and am much more accepting of my body. But the reality is, I am overweight. I do need to lose and get down in the healthy range. I feel like I’m in a really good place right now, and that I’m accepting of myself enough now that I can start to concentrate on making changes without falling back into old habits.
I nearly stepped on the scale this morning. I pushed the power button with my toe, then watched the zeroes pop up. Then I decided that this wasn’t in my own best interests, and hopped in the shower instead.
I’m not ready to start looking at the numbers again yet. I’ve watched Michelle, whom I feel is much further down the intuitive eating/body image path than I am, struggle when she went back to focusing on her weight. Cold comfort to her, I know, but I’m going to learn from her experience and not do that. Not yet.
My clothes feel the same. Only rarely does dieting wisdom pop into my head any more. I don’t feel the need to inhale half a pizza merely because I know it’s there. I can’t recall the last time I felt the “oh, well, I’ve already blown the day; might as well enjoy the night and start fresh tomorrow” feeling.
I am concerned that my fitness is waning. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to exercise regularly. The swimming is sporadic because of scheduling, and I somehow managed to twinge my heel on the elliptical, of all things, the other day. Nothing seems safe. The clinic’s answer? Stronger and stronger IB. I’m getting an appointment with a local doctor and taking a friend to translate what I don’t understand. There has to be an answer for this.
But for right now, hopping back on the scale is not my answer. I’m not there yet. For right now, I will content myself with the fact that I’m happy with my life, I’m beginning to love my body, and that I feel good about what I’m doing. I’m maintaining my size with my current eating habits and very casual exercise. I know that if I was exercising seriously, I’d most likely be moving into a size 10. Right now that is enough for me.
good for you getting to the doctor!
i'm in the same place – thinking that now that i can exercise i need to go back to the scale to make sure my eating is in control. and can't really do intutive very well since my body craves ice chips as a stupid side effect of the anemia.
I'm so proud of you! You know that, right?!? I hope the heal issue isn't anything major. Does it hurt more when you first get up in the morning? Might be planar faciitis but could also be a heal spur.
Good for you. The draw to go back to focusing on weight is an easy one to get into. But, I can promise you that if you are really listening to your body (not your mind) and feeding it the food you need in accordance of your hunger signals, your body will naturally become the weight it needs to be. Just keep having faith in the process.
I totally hear you on the scale issue and I am so, SO proud of you for sticking with what is right for you RIGHT NOW. But I have a proposition for you. You can think about it or you can tell me to bugger off…
What if you joined in the challenge without weighing in? We are doing the non-scale mini challenges every week and I thought you might like focusing on something else other than the number. You'd still have the full force of The Sisterhood behind you but you would be playing by your own rules.